i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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