you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
