She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize