Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
