fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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