dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
