hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
