dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
