A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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