Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
