I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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