Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
