so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
