Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
