Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
