well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
