You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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