maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
