evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
