I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
