just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
