I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
