WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
