I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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