Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
