Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
