I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
