I wanna passion pit in your ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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