was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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