I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
