yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
