If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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