My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
