VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
