Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize