I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
