Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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