yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
