i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
