In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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