Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
