I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My dick has a subreddit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
