Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
