Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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