are you still at the devil's house?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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