Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
