But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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