Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
