i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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