This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
