Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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