During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
