No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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