So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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