i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
