I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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