So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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