WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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