I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just tell him i said nine months
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
